民族短笑话爆笑的

时间：2020-10-22 09:10:49 爆笑笑话我要投稿

民族短笑话爆笑的

　　民族短笑话爆笑的一：

民族短笑话爆笑的

　　真有一巴掌拍死他的冲动

　　男朋友昨晚睡觉睡得好好，突然一下把我紧紧的抱着，呢喃了一句“还好，你还在。”瞬间哭的稀里哗啦的，结果这货来了句，“都说了，这头猪我不卖。”

　　这个你就放心吧

　　最近在网上看了很多关于闺密撕逼的贴，今天我跟闺密开玩笑说：“女人之间真的好可怕，咱们平时这么相亲相爱，说不定哪一天你就在别人面前说我绿茶婊了呢。”闺密听后眼神坚定望着我说：“这个你就放心吧，绿茶婊，首先颜要过得去，像你长这样，怎么婊也没人去理会你。”

　　你想让我出来就赶紧消失在我眼前

　　一男一女被人追杀，跑着跑着，遇见一条墙缝，女的把衣服脱了才钻过去，男的钻到一半卡住了。女：用力啊，就差一点点。男：你走啊女：我怎么可以扔下你不管。男：你想让我出来就赶紧消失在我眼前。

　　你姐是个雕

　　昨天跟姐姐，姐夫一起去看撒娇女人最好命，然后电影中说男人都喜欢小鸟依人的女人，然后我就问我姐夫，我姐是不是小鸟依人的，姐夫神回复，你姐是个雕!

　　我不会欺负它的

　　女儿毛毛特调皮，比男孩子还男孩子。星期天我带她去动物园玩耍，在接近一个关东北虎的铁笼子时，我提醒毛毛：“离它远点!”毛毛闻听，幽幽地接话道：“妈妈，没事。我今天心情好，不会欺负它的!”

　　儿子想要什么样的老婆

　　一天，妈妈问儿子：“你将来想找个什么样的.老婆啊?”儿子仰起脸天真的说：“我要找个像妈妈这样的!”妈妈很高兴的继续问：“为什么啊?”儿子说：“这样，我以后有外遇老婆也发现不了。”

　　给我滚远点

　　老师：“国旗就像我们的母亲，我们要像爱护母亲一样爱护国旗。” 小明：“你把你妈吊起来挂杆子上啊!” 老师：“滚出去!”

　　当事人和肇事者

　　老婆怀孕了，老公想陪她一起到医院做个检查，恰好有事去不了，只能让她一个人去了。回到家，老公问老婆检医生怎么说。老婆满脸不悦的道：“医生说，怎么当事人一个人来了，肇事者没有陪同啊?!”

　　民族短笑话爆笑的二：

　　Easy or Not

　　Pulling alongside our drive-up bank window, a woman was not happy with her position. So she backed up and pulled closer. Still not satisfied, she backed away and tried again. After five attempts, she finally parked the car and rolled down her window. I greeted her with a simple "Good morning".

　　"Good morning," she replied cheerfully. "I'm going to have to use this drive-up all the time. It's so easy!"

　　一位妇女把车沿着我们银行的驱车直达窗口开过来，可她并不满意于她停的位置。因此她倒车，靠得更近点。还是不满意，倒车，再来。五次努力后，终于她把车停下来，摇下车窗。我简单地问候她一声“早上好”。

　　“早上好，”她愉快地回答说，“以后我都要使用这种驱车直达窗口。真是如此的方便。”

　　假如我是一个经理

　　One day in class, the teacher assigned his students to write a composition – If I Am a Manager.All the students began to write except a boy. The teacher went to him and asked the reason.I am waiting for my secretary, was the boy’s answer.

　　一天课上，老师要同学们以如果我是一个经理为题写一篇作文。所有的学生都在动笔写了，只有一个男生例外。老师走过去问他为什么不写。我在等我的秘书。那孩子答道。

　　A Life for a Life(以“命”抵命)

　　The English author，Richard Savage，was once living in London in great poverty.In order to earn a little money he hadwritten the story of his life，but not many copies of the bookhad been sold in the shops，and Savage was living from hand tomouth.As a result of his lack of food he became very ill，butafter a time，owing to the skill of the doctor who had lookedafter him，he got well again.After a week or two the doctorsent a bill to Savage for his visits， but poor Savage hadn't anymoney and couldn't pay it.The doctor waited for another month and sent the bill again. But still no money came. Afterseveral weeks he sent it to him again asking for his money.Inthe end he came to Savage's house and asked him for payment，saying to Savage，“You know you owe your life to me and Iexpected some gratitude from you.” “I agree，” said Savage，“that I owe my life to you， and toprove to you that I am not ungrateful for your work I will givemy life to you.”With these words he handed to him two volumes entitled，The life of Richard Savage.

　　英国作家理查德·萨维奇一度在伦敦过着贫困潦倒的生活，为了赚几个钱，他曾写了有关他自己生平的故事。但是这部书在书店里并没有卖出几本，萨维奇过着朝不保夕的日子。由于缺乏食物，他病得很厉害。后来，由于给他治疗的那个医生的高明医术，他才又恢复了健康。过了一两个星期之后，医生给萨维奇送来了一张讨要诊费的帐单，但是贫穷的萨维奇没有钱来偿付。医生等了一个月后又送来了帐单，但仍然未索回分文。几个星期之后，他又送来帐单要钱。最后，医生本人来到了萨维奇的家中，对他说：“你明白，你是欠我一条命的，我希望你有所报答。” “是的，”萨维奇说，“我是欠你一条命，为了向你证明我对你的诊治不是不报答，我将把我的命给你。” 说着这番话，萨维奇递给医生两卷书，名叫《理查德·萨维奇的一生》。

　　What Was It She Wanted?

　　A store manager heard a clerk tell a customer.“No，ma’am， we haven't had any for a while， and it doesn't look asif we'll be getting soon.” Horrified，the manager came runningover to the customer and said，“Of course， we'll have somesoon， We placed an order last week.” Then the manager drewthe clerk aside：“Never， never， never say we are out of anything—say we've got it on order and it's coming. Now whatwas it she wanted?” “Rain.” said the clerk.

　　一个商店经理听见一个店员对顾客说：“不，夫人，这会儿没有，一时半会儿看来也不会有。”经理惊恐万分地跑到顾客跟前说：“当然，马上就会有的。我们上周订了货。”然后经理把店员拉到一边：“千万，千万，千万不要说我们没有什么——说我们已经订了货，货马上就到。现在你说她要买什么?” “雨，”店员说。

　　A preacher is buying a parrot 传教士买鹦鹉

　　A preacher is buying a parrot

　　Are you sure it doesnt scream, yell, or swear? asked the preacher.

　　Oh absolutely. Its a religious parrot, the storekeeper assures him.

　　Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lords prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm.

　　Wonderful! says the preacher, but what happens if you pull both strings?

　　I fall off my perch, you stupid fool! screeched the parrot.

　　一个传教士在买鹦鹉

　　“你确信它不会尖叫，大叫或诅咒别人吗?”传教士问。

　　“哦，绝对不会。它是一只虔诚的鹦鹉。”店主保证说。

　　“你看见它腿上的这些细绳了吗?当你拉动右面的这根，它会背诵天主经，当你拉动左面的那根，它会背诵赞美诗”

　　“太棒了!”传教士说，“但是如果我同时拉动两条绳子，会发生什么呢?”

　　“我会从树干上掉下去的，你这个笨蛋!”鹦鹉尖声说道。

　　再爱我一次

　　大林下班回家太晚了，老婆破口大骂。大林小声辩解：“结婚前爱得死去活来，结婚后简直是判若两人!你就不能再爱我一次?”老婆听了，声音更大了：“你个王八蛋!”“我是让你爱我，不是让你骂我!”老婆振振有词：“打是亲，骂是爱嘛!要不我再亲你一次?”

　　等价交换.

　　甲：你老婆不是要你戒烟吗?怎么又抽上了呢?乙：跟老婆进行等价交换!