a wealthy matron is so proud of a valuable antique vase that she decides to have her bedroom painted the same color as the vase. several painters try to match the shade, but none comes close enough to satisfy the eccentric woman.
eventually, a painter approaches who is confident he can mix the proper color. the woman is pleased with the result, and the painter becomes famous.
years later, he retires and truns the business over to his son. "dad," says the son, "there's something i've got to know. how did you get those walls to match the vase so perfectly?"
"son," the father replies, "i painted the vase."
good news and bad news
"there's good news and bad news," the divorce lawyer told his client.
"i could sure use some good news," sighed the client. "what's it?"
"your wife isn't demanding that your future inheritances be included in the settlement."
"and the bad news?"
"after the divorce, she's marrying your father."
an amercian, a scot and a canadian were killed in a car accident. they arrived at the gates of heaven, where a flustered st. peterexplained that there had been a mistake. "give me $500 each," he said, "and i'll return you to earth as if the whole thing never happened."
"done!" said the american. instantly, he found himself standing unhurt near the scene.
"where are the others?" asked a medic.
"last i knew," said the american, "the scot was huggling price, and the canadian was arguing that his government should pay."