生活需要笑话，笑话能让我们变得开心，今天我们就一起来看看英语笑话笑死人吧!
英语笑话笑死人(一)
那个坑是我爸爸挖的
Will and Bill were quarrelling about whose father was the stronger. 维尔和比尔在争吵，谁的爸爸是更强壮的一个。
Will said, "Well, you know the Pacific Ocean ?
维尔说：“你知道太平洋吗?
My father's the one who dug the hole for it."
那个坑是我爸爸挖的。”
Bill wasn't impressed, "Well, that's nothing.
比尔不屑地说：“那没什么。
You know the Dead Sea ?
你知道死海吗?
My father's the one who killed it!"
那是我爸爸打死的。”
英语笑话笑死人(二)
为什么是S
There was once a snail who was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow.
曾经有只蜗牛，它对自己动作慢的名声感到了厌恶和疲倦。
Hedecided to get some fast wheels to make up the difference.
他决心去弄些跑得飞快的轮子来改变这种境况。
After shopping around a while, he decided that the Datson 240-Z was the car to get.
逛了一圈之后，它决定买Datson 240-Z。
So the snail goes to the nearest Datsundealer and says he wants to buy the 240-Z, but he wants it repainted "240-S".
去了最近的Datsun经销店，去买Datson 240-Z，但是它想把这辆车重新刷漆，改称240-S。
The dealer asks, "Why 'S'?"
经销商问：“为什么是S呢?”
The snail replies, "'S' stands for snail.
蜗牛回答说：“‘s’代表蜗牛。
I want everybody who sees me roaring past to know who's driving."
我想让每一个看见我呼啸而过的人知道是谁在开车。”
Well, the dealer doesn't want to lose the unique opportunity to sell a car to a snail,
经销商不想失去把汽车卖给蜗牛这样一个机会，
so he agrees to have the car repainted for a small fee.
所以他同意收取些许费用，把车重新涂漆。
The snail gets his new car and spent the rest of his days roaring happily down the highway at top speed.
蜗牛开着它的新车，把自己的余生都用在了快乐地高速行使在告诉公路上。
And whenever anyone would see him zooming by, they'd say "Wow! Look at that S-car go!"
而不论何时任何人看见它飞驰而过的时候，都会说：“哦!看那S-car 。”
英语笑话笑死人(三)
能允许它和我睡一间屋子吗
A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me.
一个人给一家他计划在假期里停留的小旅馆写了封信，“我非常希望带着我的狗，
He is well-groomed and very well behaved.
它很干净很有教养，
Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"
你能允许它和我睡一间屋子吗?”
An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years.
旅馆主人立即回了封信，“我经营旅馆很多年了，
In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls.
狗从没偷过毛巾，床单， 餐具，或者墙上的画。
I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly.
我也从没有在半夜因为狗喝醉胡闹而赶走它，
And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill.
狗也从不不付帐就跑掉。
Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel.
实际上我们非常欢迎您的狗来我们旅馆
And, if your dog will vouch for you,
如果它为您担保
you're welcome to stay here, too."
也欢迎您来。