英语笑话大全乐翻天 爆笑
1. Brown: I'm sorry to see you so unwell. Have you seen the doctor?
Jack: Yes. I'm having three baths a day.
Brown: What for?
Jack: Don't know, doctor's orders. He gave me some medicine and told me to follow the directions on the bottle, whichread: "One tablespoonful to be taken three times a day in water."
2. Teacher: Would you rather have one half of an orange or five tenths?
Gerald: I'd much rather have the half.
Teacher: Think carefully, and tell me why.
Gerald: Because you lose too much juice when you cut the orange into five tenths.
An art critic was used to criticizing very severely and in a very detailed way.
When he was commenting on one painting and then on another in the gallery, he pointed at a picture and said: "It's showing a marked lack of technique and understanding. Look! Those trees seem to have no form, and the grass has not roots. And here you see the artist had attempted to draw a fly to catch the public eye, I would not disapprove of it if he had been able to draw it better and made it like a fly. But this fly looks like a lump of mud and has not the character of a fly."
At this point while the critic was still rambling, the fly on that picture suddenly look wing and flew away.
有个美术评论家习惯于吹毛求疵。
当他在美术馆里评论一幅幅画作时，就指着一幅画说：“这幅画显得缺乏技巧和领悟，瞧!那些树看来不像样，那些草也没有跟。你们再看这里，作者还特地画了一只苍蝇来引人注意。要是他能画的更好些，使它像只苍蝇，我也不会发对。可是这只苍蝇就像一块烂泥，也没有苍蝇的.特征。”
正当这位评论家还在喋喋不休地大发议论时，画上那只苍蝇忽然张开翅膀飞走了。
3.An empolyee said to his boss, "I've been here for six years doing two men's work for one man's pay. "
有一个员工跟老板说：“我在这里6年了，领一个人的薪水，却做两个人的事。”
现在完成时可以表示过去持续到现在的动作或状态，通常用for或since来引导所持续的时间，如：I have been here for six years.
4.Now I want a raise.
现在我要加薪。
The employer replied, "Well, I can't give you a raise, but if you'll tell me who the other man is, I'll fire him."
他的老板回答：“嗯，我不能给你加薪，但是如果你告诉我另外一个人是谁，我会开除他。”
5.Mrs. Brown was going out for the day. She locked the house and tacked a note for the milkman on the door: "NOBODYHOME. DON'T LEAVE ANYTHING."
When she got back that night, she found her door broken open and her house ransacked. On the note she had left, she found the following message added:
"THANKS! WE HAVEN'T LEFTANYTHING!"
6.An old lady who was very deaf and who thought everythingtoo dear, went into a shop and asked the shopman:' How much this stuff?'
'Seven dollars, Madam, it is very cheap.'
The lady said, 'It is too much, give it to me for fourteen.'
'I did not say seventeen dollars, but seven.'
'It is still too much,' replied the old lady, 'give it to me for five.'
一位耳聋并且总是嫌东西太贵的老太太走进一家商店。她问店员：“这东西要多少钱?”
“七美元，太太，这是很便宜的。”
老太太说：“太贵了，十四美元差不多。”
店员忙说：“我没说十七美元，是七美元。”
“还是太贵，”老太太说：“五美元，我就买啦。”
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