Teacher: Where does God live?
Student: I think he lives in our bathroom.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Student: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says, "God, are you still in there?"
Teacher: How can you tell a hawk has good eyesight?
Student: Because I have never seen a hawk wearing spectacles.
Teacher: Tom and John! Why are you late for school today?
Tom: Madam, I lost a one-dollar coin and was searching for it.
Teachear: John, what about you?
John: Madam, I was not able to move beacause I was hiding that coin under my feet.
Teacher: Did your father help you with your homework?
Student: No, he did it all by himself.
Teacher: What are some products of the West Indies?
Student: I don't know.
Teacher: Of course, you do. Where do you get sugar from?
Student: We borrow it from our neighbor.
Teacher: This is the fifth time this week that I have had punished you. What do you want to say?
Student: Thank god Saturday and Sunday are holidays, Sir!
Teacher: Jimmy, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
Jimmy: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
Teacher: You missed school yesterday, didn't you?
Student: Not very much!
Tom: Great news, teacher says we have a test today come rain or shine.
John: So what's great about that?
Tom: It's snowing outside!
*come rain or shine是指“不管发生什么情况”，相当于我们所说的“风雨无阻”。而汤姆以为是指下雨和天晴两种情况下需要考试。
Teacher: How can you make so many mistakes in just one day?
Pupil: I get up early!