●What do I get? 我能得到什么?
Teacher: If I cut a beefsteak in half and then cut the half in half, what do I get?
Teacher: And then if I cut it twice again?
●我知道你会帮我 I know I could count on you
Smith goes to see his boss in the front office. "Boss," he says: "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic(阁楼) and the garage."
"We're short-handed, Smith." the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off."
"Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I know I could count on you!"
●飞机螺旋桨的用处 The purpose of the propeller
A: "What's the purpose of the propeller?"
B: "To keep the pilot cool. If you don't think so, just stop it and watch him sweat!"
●猫和老鼠 Cat and Mice
Mrs Brown went to visit one of her friend and carried a small box with holes punched in the top.
" What's in your box?" asked the friend.
"A cat," answered Mrs Brown. "You see I've been dreaming about mice at night and I'm so scared! This cat is to catch them."
"But the mice are only imaginary," said the friend.
"So is the cat," whispered Mrs Brown.
●一幅抽象画 An Abstract Drawing
One day in a drawing class, the teacher told the class to draw an abstract(抽象的) drawing. After a while, a small boy turned his drawing in . The teacher look at it but saw nothing ,only a piece of white paper.
"What did you draw?" said the teacher.
"A cow eats grass," the boy answered.
"Where is the grass?"
"The cow has eaten it up," replied the boy.
"Well, but where is the cow?" the teacher asked again.
"It ate up the grass and then went away to drink water."
●Dating for Mother 约会
When the young waitress in the café in Tom’s building started waving hello everyday. Tom was flattered, for she was at least 15 years younger than he. One day she waved and beckoned to Tom again. When Tom strolled over, she asked, "Are you single?"
"Why, yes," Tom replied, smiling at her broadly.
"So is my mom," she said. "Would you like to meet her?"
在汤姆工作的大楼里有一个咖啡屋，那儿总有一位小姐每天都和他打招呼。汤姆有些受宠若惊，因为这位小姐看上去至少比他年轻15岁。一天她又对汤姆招手并示意汤姆过去。于是汤姆走了过去。她问道，“您现在是单身吗?” “对，是单身，”汤姆满脸堆笑的说。 “我母亲也是，”她说，“您愿不愿意见见她?”
●A lady went to a hat shop to buy a hat. As she was very fussy, it took her a long time to pick on one。
Already at the end of his patience the salesman was afraid that she might change her mind again so he tried to flatter her: "An excellent choice, madam.You look at least ten years younger with this hat on!"
To his dismay, the lady took off her hat at once and said: "I don't want a hat that makes me look ten years older as soon as I take it off. Show me some more hats!"
The science teacher lecturing his class in biology said, “Now I'll show you this frog in my pocket.” He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a chicken sandwich.
He looked puzzled for a second, thought deeply, and said, “That's funny. I distinctly remember eating my lunch.”
●I Hope So 我希望如此
Neighbor: Do you think your son will forget all he learned at college?
Father: I hope so. He certainly can't make a living by kissing girls!
●Thinking Back 回忆
We were gathered together, all ten of us, for our widowed mother's 80th birthday. The conversation was of early struggles, walking to work and saving up in clothing clubs, when my elder sister said, "Of course, we were bound to be poor because we were such a big family. Mom, why did you have so many children?"
Mother looked around at us all and said, "Well, where did you want to me to stop?"