最新英语幽默笑话
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最新英语幽默笑话
1 Two students missing to exam
Two undergraduates had a week of toughexams coming up. But it was too late for them to start the review. Theirbiggest exam was on Wednesday and they tried to trick their professor by sayingthat their car had broken down the night before due to a very flat tire andthey needed a bit more time to study.
两个本科生在一周后即将迎来一个魔鬼考试周。然而他们实在复习的太迟了。最重要的一场考试在周三，然而他们决定欺骗一下教授，谎称前夜车轮漏气抛锚了，所以请求多一些考试准备时间。
The professor granted them another day tostudy. That evening, both of the boys crammed all night until they were surethat they knew just about everything.
教授多给了他们一天时间去准备。当夜，他们一夜没睡，彻夜苦读，确信知识点已经了解，并且全部搞懂。
Arriving at class the next morning, eachboy was assigned to separate classroom to take the exam. As each sat down, theyread the instruction:
次日到达教师之后，两个学生被分配到不同的教室进行考试。当他们坐定，看到试卷上说明如下：
“For 5 points, explain the contents of atomand how to evaluate the stability of it with appropriate reference. For 95points, tell me WHICH tire it was!”
“解释原子成分并借助适当的`资料评估其稳定性，共计5分;剩余95分是请告诉我是哪一个轮胎漏的气!”
2 Job interview with FBI
3 men were at the FBI Building for a jobinterview.
有3个人正去参加美国联邦调查局总部的工作面试。
The first man walked into the office. The interviewingFBI agent said “to be in the FBI you must be loyal, devoted, and give us yourall. Your wife is in the next room. I want you to go in there and shoot herwith this gun.” The man took the gun, hesitated, and said “sorry, I can’t doit.”
第一个人走进了联邦调查局大楼。联邦调查局的面试官员：“要做一个联邦调查员，你应该做到忠诚，专心，并把你的一切都奉献出来。你的妻子就在隔壁期间，我想让你去用这把枪打死她。”那个男子拿起枪，开始犹豫，说道：“对不起，我不能够这样做。”
The next interviewee came into the office. Theagent said “to be in the FBI you must be loyal, devoted, and give us your all. Yourwife is in the next room. I want you to go in there and shoot her with thisgun.” The man took the gun, walked into the room, then walk out. “Sorry, I can’tdo it.” He said.
第二个人走进了联邦调查局大楼。联邦调查局的面试官员：“要做一个联邦调查员，你应该做到忠诚，专心，并把你的一切都奉献出来。你的妻子就在隔壁期间，我想让你去用这把枪打死她。”那个男子拿起枪，走进房间，接着又退了出来。他说：“抱歉，我不能够这样做。”
The last man came into the office. Theinterviewer said “to be in the FBI you must be in loyal, devoted, and give usyour all. Your wife is in the next room. I want you to go in there and shoother with this gun.” The man took the gun and went into the room. The agentheard 6 shots, silence, and then a lot of screaming.
第二个人走进了联邦调查局大楼。联邦调查局的面试官员：“要做一个联邦调查员，你应该做到忠诚，专心，并把你的一切都奉献出来。你的妻子就在隔壁期间，我想让你去用这把枪打死她。”他拿起了枪走进了房间。代理听到了6声枪响，一阵安静，接着听到了一阵尖叫。
The man came out of the room and said “someoneloaded the gun with blanks, so I beat her to death with the curtain railing.”
那个人走出房间说道：“有人装着空子弹，所以我用窗帘杆子把她打死了!”
3 Teacher: whoever answers my next question, can go home.
老师：谁能回到我下一个问题，谁就可以回家了。
One boy throws his bag out the window.
一个小男孩把书包扔到窗外。
Teacher: who just threw that?!
老师：谁刚刚把书包扔出去了?
Boy: Me! I’m going home now.
男孩：我!我现在要回家了。
4 What dog can jump higher than a building?
什么狗比大楼跳的还高?
Anydog, buildings can't jump!
任何一只狗，大楼又跳不起来。
5 What has a head, a tail, and no body?
什么有头、有尾，但是没有身体?
A coin!
硬币。
6 What has one eye but cannot see?
什么有一只眼睛，却看不见?
A needle.
针。
7 Wife: "How would you describe me?"
妻子：你会怎么形容我呢?
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
丈夫：ABCDEFGHIJK.
Wife: "What does that mean?"
妻子：那是什么意思?
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."
丈夫：迷人的、魅力的、可爱的、令人愉悦的、优雅的、时髦的、漂亮的和火辣的。
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
妻子：哇，谢谢，但是“IJK”是什么意思呢?
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
丈夫：开个玩笑!
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