时间:2016-11-15 编辑:钰娟 手机版




  1 A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill." "I am afraid that he is dead."said the doctor, Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive." "Be quiet, "said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"

  译文: 医生懂得多


  2 You can't go without me

  The bus is very crowded.Aman tries to get on,but no one gives way to him.

  "Hey,let me get on the bus."the man shouts.

  "It's too crowded.You'd better take the next bus."a passenger says to him.

  "But you can't go withou me.I'm the driver."the man says.

  译文: 没有我你们走不了

  公共汽车上很拥挤.一位男士想上车,但是没有人给他让路. "喂,让我上车!"那位男士喊道.

  "车太挤了,你最好坐下一辆"车上的一位乘客对他说. "但是没有我你们走不了.我是司机!"那位男士说道.

  3 The teacher noticed that Johnny had been daydreaming for a long time. She decided to get his attention. "Johnny," she said, "If the world is 25,000 miles around and eggs are sixty cents a dozen, how old am I? "Thirty-four," Johnny answered unhesitatingly. The teacher replied "Well, that's not far from my actual age. Tell me...how did you guess?" "Oh, there's nothing to it," Johnny said. "My big sister is seventeen and she's only half-crazy."

  老师注意到约翰尼走神很久了,她决定吸引他的注意力。“约翰尼,”她说,“如果地球的直径是25,000英哩,鸡蛋每打买60美分,那么我多大?” “三十四,”约翰尼毫不犹豫地回答。 老师答道,“嗯,那与我的实际年龄差不多。告诉我...你是怎么猜到的?” “噢,这没什么。”约翰尼说,“我的大姐是17岁,而她有一半疯狂。”


  1 Little Pete came home from the playground with a bloody1 nose, black eye, and torn clothing.


  It was obvious he'd been in a bad fight and lost. His father asked his son what happened. "Well, Dad," said Pete, "I challenged Larry to a duel2. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons."


  "Uh-huh," said the father, "that seems fair."


  "I know, but I never thought he'd choose his sister!"


  2 Teacher: What is the plural of man,Tom?

  老师: 汤姆,“男人”这个词的复数形式是什么?

  Tom: Men.


  Teacher: Good. And the plural of child?

  老师: 答得好。那“孩子”的复数形式呢?

  Tom : Twins.

  汤姆: 双胞胎。


  1 A curious child asked his mother: “Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?”


  The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: “It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey!”


  The child replied innocently: “Now I know why grandmother has only grey hairs on her head.”


  2 The newlyweds entered the elevator of their Miami Beach hotel. The operator, a magnificent blonde, looked at them in surprise and said, "Why, hello, Teddy, how are you?" When the couple reached their room, the piqued bride demanded: "Who was that woman?!" "Take it easy, honey," said the groom, "I'm going to have trouble enough explaining you to her."

  一对新婚夫妇走进位于迈阿密海滩旅馆的电梯。电梯操作员是一个漂亮的金发碧眼的美女,看到他们十分惊奇,她说:“嗨,Teddy,你好吗?”夫妇俩到了他们自己的房间,愤怒的新娘要求丈夫做出解释:“那女人是谁?!”“冷静点,宝贝,”新郎说: “我得对她解释你是谁,这已经足够烦死我了。”

  3 Three men were sitting on a park bench. The one in the middle was reading a newspaper; the others were pretending to fish. They baited imaginary hooks, cast lines and reeled in their catch.


  A passing policeman stopped to watch the spectacle and asked the man in the middle if he knew the other two.


  "Oh yes," he said. "They are my friends”


  "In that case," warned the officer, "you'd better get them out of here!"


  "Yes, sir." the man replied, and he began rowing furiously.


  4 Tom is a very old man. After dinner, he likes walking in the street. And he goes to bed at seven o’clock.


  But tonight, a car stopped at his house. A policeman helps him get out. He tells Tom’s wife, “The old man couldn’t find his way in the street. He asked me to take him in the car.”


  After the policeman leaves there, his wife asks, “Tom, you go to the street every night. But tonight you can’t find the way, what’s the matter?”


  The old man smiles like a child and says, “I couldn’t find my way? I didn’t want to walk home.”









7.爆笑英语笑话 幽默