A man was driving to work when a truck ran a stop sign ... hit his car broadside, and knocked him cold. Passerbys pulled him from the wreck and revived him. He began a terrific struggle and had to be tranquilized by the medics. Later, when he was calm, they asked him why he struggled so. He said, "I remember the impact, then nothing. I woke up on a concrete slab in front of a huge, flashing 'Shell' sign. And somebody was standing in front of the 'S.'"
A man died and his wife phoned the newspaper to place an obituary. She called the obituary department and said, "This is what I want to print: Bernie is dead.” The man at the newspaper said, "But for $25 you are allowed to print six words.” The woman answered, "OK. Then print: Bernie is dead. Toyota for sale.”
Tom was tired out, and he went to bed as soon as he reached home.
Suddenly it occurred to him that he had planned to do something that evening. As he could not remember what it was, he tossed and turned in his bed for along time.
Finally the thing came to his mind, "My God, the original plan was to go to bed early!" he said depressingly.