英语小笑话爆笑带翻译

时间：2022-11-23 14:00:36 英语笑话我要投稿

英语小笑话爆笑带翻译

　　会讲笑话的人都是有好人缘的人，所以我们要多亲近一些笑话大王们。现在小编也来当笑话大王啦!小编给大家收集整理了爆笑带翻译的英语小笑话，一起来笑笑，收集好人缘吧!

英语小笑话爆笑带翻译

　　英语小笑话爆笑带翻译篇1

　　One day a man came home from work to find total chaos in the house. The kids were laying outside in the mud, still in their pajamas.

　　When he opened the door, he found an even bigger mess: dishes on the counter, dog food spilled on the floor, a broken glass under the table and a pile of sand by the back door. The family room was strewn with toys, and a lamp had been knocked over.

　　He headed up the stairs, stepping over toys, to look for his wife. He was becoming worried that she might be ill or that something terrible had happened to her.

　　He found her in the bedroom still in bed with her pajamas on, reading a magazine.

　　She looked up at him, smiled and asked how his day had gone.

　　He looked at her, bewildered(困惑的), and asked, "What happened here today?"

　　She again smiled and answered, "You know, every day, you come home from work and ask me what I did today."

　　"Yes," was his reply.

　　She answered, "Well, today, I didnt do it!"

　　一天，一个人下班回到家，发现屋子外面一片狼籍。孩子们还穿着睡衣，满身是泥地躺在外面。

　　打开房门，他发现屋子里面更乱。橱柜上堆着盘子，地上散落着狗食，桌子下面有一只打碎的玻璃杯，后门旁还有一堆沙子。家庭娱乐室里堆满了玩具，还有一盏灯翻倒在地上。

　　他迈过散落在楼梯上的玩具，上楼去找他的妻子。他开始担心她生病了或是发生了什么可怕的事情。

　　他发现她还穿着睡衣躺在床上，在看一本杂志。

　　她抬头看到他，笑着问他今天过得怎么样。

　　他看着她，困惑地问：“今天发生什么事情了?”

　　她笑着问道：“你每天下班回家都会问我今天做什么了。”

　　“没错啊，”他说。

　　她说：“是这样的，今天，我没做什么!”

　　英语小笑话爆笑带翻译篇2

　　A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog.

　　He watched the game in astonishment for a while.

　　"I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "Thats the smartest dog Ive ever seen."

　　"Nah, hes not so smart," the friend replied. "Ive beaten him three games out of five."

　　某人去朋友家拜访，发现朋友竟然在跟自家的狗下象棋，大为错愕。

　　他旁观了一会儿，当时就震惊了。

　　“我简直不敢相信!”他大叫，“我从没见过那么聪明的狗!”

　　“哪里聪明了，”朋友回答，“五局中我赢了三局呢!”

　　英语小笑话爆笑带翻译篇3

　　xpensive Price

　　Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth.

　　Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction.

　　Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office.

　　昂贵的代价

　　牙科医生：对不起，夫人，为给您的儿子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。

　　母亲：二十五美元!可是我知道您拔一颗牙只要五美元呀?

　　牙科医生：是的。但是您儿子这么大声地叫唤，他都吓跑四位病人了

　　I Wasn't Asleep

　　When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"

　　"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.

　　"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."

　　"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."

　　我没有睡着

　　当一群妇女上车之后，车上的座位全都被占满了。售票员注意到一名男子好象是睡着了，他担心这个人会坐过站，就用肘轻轻地碰了碰他，说：“先生，醒醒!”

　　“我没有睡着。”那个男人回答。

　　“没睡着?可是你眼睛都闭上了呀?”

　　“我知道，我只是不愿意看到在拥挤的车上有女士站在我身边而已。”

　　The poor husband

　　"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.

　　可怜的丈夫

　　“你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的难，”一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说，“她问我一个问题，然后自己回答了，过后又花半个小时跟我解释为什么我的.答案是错的。”

　　Who's More Polite?

　　A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down.

　　谁更有礼貌?

　　一个胖子和一个瘦子在争论谁更有礼貌。瘦子说他更有礼貌，因为他经常对女士摘帽示意。但是胖子认为他更有风度，因为无论什么时候他在车上给别人让座时，总有两位女士能坐下。

　　Let Dog in Hotel

　　A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"

　　An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."

　　一个人给一家他计划在假期里停留的小旅馆写了封信，“我非常希望带着我的狗，它很干净很有教养，你能允许它和我睡一间屋子吗?”

　　旅馆主人立即回了封信，“我经营旅馆很多年了，狗从没偷过毛巾，床单，餐具，或者墙上的画。我也从没有在半夜因为狗喝醉胡闹而赶走它，狗也从不不付帐就跑掉。实际上我们非常欢迎您的狗来我们旅馆，如果它为您担保，也欢迎您来。

　　Intelligent son

　　One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter, the son took the letter , the father then remembered didn't write the address and addressee's name on the envelope.

　　After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter in the mail box?"

　　"Certainly"

　　"You have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?"

　　"I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope."

　　"Then why you didn't take it back?"

　　"I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee, is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!"

　　聪明的儿子

　　有一天,父亲让八岁的儿子去寄一封信,儿子已经拿着信跑了,父亲才想起信封上没写地址和收信人的名字。

　　儿子回来后,父亲问他:“你把信丢进邮筒了吗?” “当然”“你没看见信封上没有写地址和收信人名字吗?”

　　“我当然看见信封上什么也没写”“那你为什么不拿回来呢?”

　　“我还以为你不写地址和收信人,是为了不想让我知道你把信寄给谁呢!”

　　Does the dog know the proverb, too?

　　The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.

　　"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"

　　"Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"

　　狗也知道这个谚语吗?

　　一个小男孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。

　　“没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：‘吠狗不咬人。’”

　　“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗?”

　　英语小笑话爆笑带翻译篇4

　　Early Shopper

　　采购过早

　　It was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner. "What are you charged with?" he asked.

　　那天是圣诞节，法官在审讯犯人时也有点恻隐之心。“你为什么而被起诉?”他问。

　　"Doing my christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.

　　“采购圣诞节物品过早。”被告答。

　　"That's no offense," replied the judge, "How early were you doing this shopping?"

　　“这不算犯法，”法官回答，“你购物多早?”

　　"Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.

　　在商店开门之前，“犯人应道。

　　英语小笑话爆笑带翻译篇5

　　How Did You Ever Get Here

　　你是怎样来的?

　　One winter morning, an employee explained why he had shown up for work 45 minutes late. "It was so slippery out that for every step I took ahead, I slipped back two."

　　一个冬天的早晨，一名雇员解释他为什么迟到了四十五分钟才起来上班。“外面太滑了，我每向前迈一步，就要向后退两步。”

　　The boss eyed him suspiciously. "Oh, yeah? Then how did you ever get here?"

　　老板狐疑地看着他。“噢，是吗?那你是怎样到这里来的?”

　　"I finally gave up," he said, "and started for home."

　　“后来我决定放弃，”他说，“然后我就往家里走。”

　　英语小笑话爆笑带翻译篇6

　　我希望您的面包病好了

　　I was making rolls and, needing a warm place for the dough to rise, put the bowl in a heating pad. Then I left the house on an errand(使命，差事) . When I came back, I found this note from my son: "Dear Mom, I hope your bread gets better."

　　我在做面包，需要把面团放在一个暖和点的地方使它发起来。我把面盆放在电热褥里，后来就出去干别的活去了。等我回家时，发现儿子留下一张纸条，上面写着：“亲爱的妈妈，我希望您的面包已经病好了。”

　　英语小笑话爆笑带翻译篇7

　　A Vacation Cruise

　　One stupid guy reads an ad about a vacation cruise that costs only $ 100.After he signs up and pays, the travel agent hits him with a bat, knocks him unconscious and throws him out the back door into the river. Soon another guy comes in, pays his fee and gets the same treatment.

　　Fifteen minutes later, as the two are floating down the river together, the first man says, "I wonder if they're serving any food on this cruise."

　　"I don' t know, the second guy replied. "They didn't last year."

　　假日巡航游

　　一愚笨之人读到一则假日巡航游只须花100元的广告。在他签了字付了款后，旅游经纪人用棒猛击了他一下，把他打昏了过去，并把他从后门扔进了河里。不久又来了一个人，付了钱并得到了相同的待遇。十五分钟后，这两个人一起向河的下游漂去。第一个人说：“不知道他们这次巡航游是否提供食物。” “不知道，”第二个人说道，“去年是没有的。”

　　英语小笑话爆笑带翻译篇8

　　One Side of the Case

　　一面之辞

　　A judge asked our group of potential jurors whether anyone should be excused, and one man raised his hand.

　　一位法官问我们这群修补陪审员是否有人应当免权。一个人举起了手。

　　"I can't hear out of my left ear," the man told the judge.

　　“我的左耳听不见。”那人告诉法官。

　　"Can you hear out of your right ear?" the judge asked. The man nodded his head.

　　“你的右边耳朵听得见吗?”法官问道。那人点了点头。

　　"You'll be allowed to serve on the jury," the judge declared. "We only listen to one side of the case at a time."

　　“你将被允许加入陪审团，”法官宣布。“我们每次只听一面之辞。

　　英语小笑话爆笑带翻译篇9

　　1.A history teacher and his wife were sitting at a table

　　一位历史老师和他的妻子在吃饭

　　the wife asked “Anything new at work”, and he replied", no, I am teaching History".

　　妻子问到：“工作上有什么新鲜事吗?”丈夫回答说：“没有，我是教历史的。”

　　2.A man was at the doctor's office. "Every time I drink a cup of coffee, Doctor, I have a stabbing pain in my right eye. What should I do?" he asked .

　　一位男子来到医生的办公室。“医生，每次我喝咖啡，我的右眼都有刺痛感。您说我该怎么办？”他问道。

　　"Take the spoon out of your cup. " answered the doctor.

　　“把勺子从咖啡杯里拿出来。”医生回答说。

　　3.To prevent our dog, Lacy, from pestering visitors to our house, my mother often massaged her as she lounged beneath the kitchen table, her favorite resting spot. One day a contractor came over to talk about a home-improvement project.

　　为避免我们的狗，莱希，纠缠来访的客人，我母亲常在爱犬喜欢呆的地方，即餐桌下面，摩昵它。一天，一个建筑商来谈居室装潢工程。

　　As he and my mother sat across the table discussing the renovations, my mother slipped off her shoes and mindlessly soothed Lacy with her feet.

　　在这人和我母亲坐在餐桌边谈居室的修茸时，我母亲滑脱了她的鞋子，开始不经意地用脚摩蹭起莱希来。

　　My mother had been talking for about a half-hour when to her great embarrassment she heard Lacy bark outside the front door.

　　谈话进行了半个小时的时候，我母亲突然感到很不好意思起来，因为这时她听到了莱希在前门外的犬吠声。

　　4.A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park one morning.

　　一天早晨，一位黑人女人和一位金发女郎正走在公园里。

　　Suddenly, the brunette notices a dead bird

　　. 突然，黑人女人发现了一只死去的小鸟。

　　"Awww, look at the dead birdie," she says sadly.

　　“哦!看这只死去的小鸟。”她悲伤地说。

　　The blonde stops, looks up into the sky, and says, "Where? Where?"

　　金发女郎停下了脚步，她抬头望着天空，问道：“哪，在那?”

　　5.The lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours. then he started again, and said he:"Let me ask the evolutionist a question --- if we had tails like a baboon, where are they?"教进化论的老师已经滔滔不绝地讲了快两个小时，他的话题又来了：“让我向进化论者提个问题——如果我们曾经像狒狒那样长着尾巴，那么现在尾巴到哪里去了?”

　　"I'll venture an answer, " said an old lady. "We have worn them off sitting here so long.".

　　“我来试试看，”一位老太太说。“该是我们在这里坐这么久把它们磨掉了吧。”

　　6. A husband and wife,both 91,stood before a judge,asking for a divorce."I don't understand,"He said,"Why do you want a divorce at this time of life?"the husband explained "Well , you see,We wanted to wait until the children died."

　　有一个丈夫和妻子都是91岁，他们站在法官面前，要求离婚。“我不明白，”法官说，“你们为什么到了这把年纪还要离婚?”丈夫解释道：“嗯，你是知道的，我们以前是哟等到孩子们都死了。”

　　7."Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees. "Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied."Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you.

　　“你相信人能死后重生吗?”老板问他的一个员工。 “我相信，先生”。这位刚上班不久的员工回答。 “哦，那还好”。老板接着说。 “你昨天提早下班去参加你祖母的葬礼后，她老人家到这儿看你来了。”

　　8.Little brother: I saw you kiss my elder sister, and if you don't give me a nickel I'll tell my father.弟弟：我看见你亲我姐姐了，如果你不给我五分钱，我就告诉我爸。

　　Sister's boyfriend: No, don't do that. Here's a nickel.姐姐的男朋友：不要那样做。给你五分钱。

　　Little brother: That makes a buck and a quarter I've made this month.弟弟：我这个月已经赚了一块两毛五了。

　　9.s a stranger entered a little country store, he noticed a sign warning, "Danger! Beware of dog!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" he asked the owner. "Yep, that's him," came the reply. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner explained, "Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him!"

　　一名陌生人走进一家乡间小商店，看到玻璃门上帖着的一个告示牌上写着，“危险! 小心有狗!” 进去后，他看到一条样子一点都不凶的老狗趴在收款机旁边的地板上睡觉。 “这就是大伙都得留神的那只狗啊?” 陌生人问店主。“是，就是他”，店主回答。听到这个回答，陌生人觉得很好笑。“我觉得那条狗一点都不可怕。你帖那个告示做什么?” “因为，” 店主解释说，“在我帖告示之前，大伙老被他绊倒。”

　　10.Younger Scout: How can I tell the difference between a mushroom and a toadstool?

　　年少的童子军：我怎样才能把蘑菇和毒蕈区别开呢?

　　Older Scout: Just eat one before you go to bed. If you wake up the next morning, it was a mushroom.

　　年长的童子军：上床前吃一个。如果你第二天早上醒来，那就是蘑菇。

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