小学生英语幽默笑话
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den(私室，贼窝) . What is the big brass gong(锣) and hammer for? one of his friends asked. That is the talking clock, the man replied. How's it work?
Watch, the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!
一个学生带他朋友们参观他的新公寓，甚是得意。那个大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的?他的一个朋友问他。那玩意儿厉害了，那是一个会说话的钟，学生回答。这钟怎么工作的，他的朋友问。看着，别眨眼了，那学生走上前一把操起铜锣和锤子，拼命地敲了一下，声音震耳欲聋。突然，他们听到隔壁墙那边有人狂叫，别敲了，你这白痴!现在是凌晨两点钟了!。”
On her return from school，little Dolly，aged ten，was pulled on to her Daddy's knee，and informed that the fairies had that day brought a big surprise a little baby brother.She see med glad，and presently said：
“Will you give me a stamp，daddy?I want to write and tell brother Tom.”
The father was touched by this，and provided the little lass with the materials to write a letter to her brother，who was away at school.Later，curious to know how she would tell the news，he took an opportunity to read what she had writen.He received something of a shock on reading the following：
“Dear Tom， It's come off today.You've lost;it's a boy.”
放学回到家里，十岁的小多莉被拉过来坐在她爸爸的膝上，她被告知那天仙女们带来了一个大大的惊奇——一个婴儿小弟弟。她似乎很高兴，马上说：
“爸爸，你能不能给我一张邮票?我要写信告诉汤姆哥哥。”
父亲被这话感动了，他为小姑娘提供了给她哥哥写信所需的各种用具，她的哥哥住在学校里。后来，想知道她是怎么报告这个消息的，他找机会读了她写的信。在读到下面这两行字时，他差点儿惊呆了：
“亲爱的汤姆：今天结果出来了，你输了;是个男孩。”
One evening，in the midst of dinner preparation，our 10 yearold daughter asked，“Mom my， what's puberty?”My wife was rushed at the moment，so she suggested that Peggy look up the word in the dictionary，after which they could talk about it.
A few minutes later，Peggy returned.Her mother asked what the dictionary had said.“Puberty means，”announced Peggy，“the earliest age at which a girl is able to bear children.”
“What do you think of that?” my wife asked.
“I'm not sure，” Peggy replied.“I've always been able to bear children.It's adults I can't bear.”
一天晚上，在准备晚饭的时候，我们十岁的女儿问：“妈妈，什么是青春期?”我的妻子此时正忙得不亦乐乎，所以她建议佩吉到字典上查这个词，然后她们可以再讨论它。
几分钟以后，佩吉回来了。她妈妈问字典上怎么说。“青春期的意思是，”佩吉宣布：“一个女孩能忍受孩子的.最早年龄。”
“你怎么想呢?”我妻子问。
“我不知道，”佩吉回答。“我总能忍受孩子。让我忍受不了的是大人。”
There was a small boy who had been given a little terrier for his very own，on which he bestowed the name of Paddy，and loved mightily.He was very saddened by the fact that he could not take his pet away with him on his holidays，which he was spending with some relatives in the country.
Whilst he was away Paddy's young life was cut short by an unfortunate adventure with a motor.The boy's mother feared he would take the news very hardly on his return;she broke it very gently，therefore，and was rather surprised that the little lad did not seem much perturbed.Later，however，she heard him weeping lustily in his bed.He was inarticulate with grief，but his brother explained that he was crying“about Paddy”.
“But，” said the mother，“I told him about it this morning，and he did not seem to mind!”
The brother explained，“yes，but he thought you said Daddy.”
从前有一个小男孩，他得到了一条完全属于他自己的小猎狗。他给小狗取名帕蒂，对它宠爱万分。他要到乡下一些亲戚家去度假，可又不能带上他的宠物，为此他很伤心。
他不在家的时候，帕蒂在一次不幸的车祸中失去了年轻的生命。男孩的母亲怕他回家时听到这个消息太难过;因此她相当小心地把这个消息透露给他，而颇为令人惊讶的是小伙子看起来并不怎么在意。可是，后来她听见他在床上哭得死去活来。他伤心得说不出话来，但是他的哥哥解释说他在“为帕蒂”痛哭。
“可是，”这位母亲说：“我今天早晨告诉他了，他好像根本不在乎啊!”
他哥哥解释说：“是的，可他以为你说的是爸爸。”
It was a cold，raw day at Washington.Champ Clark was discussing the gamins of the cities with an English visitor.The latter expatiated on the wit of the London type of the genius.Clark declared that if the Englishman were to ask any Washington street urchin any question，the urchin would make anaptreply.They sallied forth.
“What time is it，Bub?They tell me you can tell time by your nose，”said the visitor to the first newsboy they met.
“Ask your own，mister，mine ain't run nin’，”was the reply.
这是华盛顿的一个阴冷天。钱普·克拉克正和一个来访的英国人讨论城市的流浪儿，英国人详细地叙述着伦敦式天才的机智。克拉克宣称，要是对方向华盛顿街上任何一个儿童提任何问题，那孩子都会对答如流。他们便出发了。
“什么时候了，小兄弟?人们说你能用鼻子报时。”
回答是：“先生，问问你自己的吧，的不在走呢。”
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